Wednesday, May 27

When you are thirty-nine

When you are thirty-nine, God tosses you curve balls.  You think you have life figured out, but you don't.  NOT EVEN CLOSE.

You make it through one of the toughest times of your life, and you think you've arrived.  But God reminds you that he is indeed in charge, and he's not done with you yet.  And when you are thirty-nine, you no longer shake your fist in rebellion, day after day.  You no longer cry those hot, angry tears.  You get on your knees and say, "Really, God?  Show me what you are going to do with this."  Because you now trust him more than ever.  You know he shows up and that he means business.

When you are thirty-nine, you go WAY outside of your comfort zone and travel six-ish hours and spend time with the moms of the girls your daughter spends the most time with--crazy dance moms.  Except they aren't so crazy.  You laugh like you haven't laughed in years.  You share way too much because they share way too much.  You tear up over others' struggles; you tear up over your own. God gently molds your heart in the most unlikely of circumstances.

When you are thirty-nine, you hold your husband and your children tightly.  You try a little bit harder, you play a little bit longer, you snuggle a little more frequently.  You have a high schooler next year, and you now realize that time really does just march right on by.  You try not to miss anything--the swim meets, the dance recitals, the conversations in the car, catching fireflies in the yard.  The moments.  They just mean more.

When you are thirty-nine you are okay with who you are.  You are not perfect.  You know that you cannot control others.  You cannot change their minds, their attitudes, or their hearts.  You can control your own actions, the amount you let others hurt you, and the amount you invest in people.  At thirty-nine, you are finally investing in the people and things that are worthy of the investment.

When you are thirty-nine, you still feel young.  You laugh at the days to come.  You really, really do.

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